Ice Cold Feedback

If you've ever had ice cold water thrown at you, or witnessed a coach getting a cooler of ice dumped on him or her, you're familiar with the shocked reaction that follows.  I recently received some feedback at work that felt like I had a cooler of ice water thrown at me when I least expected it. 

It was brought to my attention, in a very aggressive way, that because I prematurely forwarded a document, there was a perception that I was trying to take credit for other people's work.


I later had a chance to meet with the person that had provided me with the ice cold feedback.  This time, there was much less anger and hostility towards me, and much more care.  I knew there had to have been more to the story because anger is a secondary emotion that is usually brought on by hurt feelings. The person that gave me the feedback apologized, and acknowledged that it was premature to have jumped to conclusions about me without having more information.  

As shocking as it was to have this perception revealed to me, I was very grateful for the "carefrontation" because there are many people that jump to conclusions but never share their opinions, eliminating the opportunity to clear the air, or get rid of doubts/hard feelings.  I first learned the term carefrontation when I was working for a company called TEKsystems in 1999. There was a policy in place that required employees to confront each other with care whenever feelings had been hurt.  This particular carefrontation not only sharpened my edge, it also established a new foundation that will make our working relationship much stronger moving forward. 

Everybody has the right to their own perceptions, opinions, criticisms and feedback. Perceptions are created based on perspectives.  Perspectives are created by attitudes. Attitudes are shaped by values.  This lesson showed me just how different my reality can be from other people's, and I need to work on meeting people where they are. I try to live my life assuming positive intent, and finding the good in every situation, although it can be really difficult sometimes, and annoying to others.

It's so much easier to think that people are genuinely trying to do the right thing rather than thinking everybody's out to get you and has a hidden agenda. As a result of my perspective, I've been called a Pollyanna - and not as a compliment. I've had plenty of people poke fun at my rose-colored glasses.  Herm Albright once said, "A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort".    I think it also helps enough people to make it worth the effort.  Practice looking for the bright side, assuming good intent and carefronting people.  It could change your perspective for the better.